dinner has been eaten, Jezebel takes our plates back to the kitchen and
returns with six coins, a penny, a nickel, a dime, a quarter, a half
dollar and a new, one-dollar coin.
She places all six coins on the table in front of me and says,
“Please describe what you see.”
respond with, “I
see money; each is a U.S. coin; they’re all round; they’re all made
of metal, they‘re all flat; they’re
all silver colored except for the penny which is copper-colored, and the
dollar coin which is gold-colored;
and each represents a different monetary value.”
is no correlation between size and value.
Why are you asking? Is
this some kind of test?”
it is not a test. It
is a way to determine if you see similarities first and then differences
or see differences first and then similarities.”
what did my answers tell you?”
you see similarities first and then, after seeing the similarities you
note the differences. In
this regard, you are like me are like the majority of people.”
to be cynical, but so what?”
you ever spent any time with someone who focuses primarily on
regularly ask “Yes, but”
questions: Yes, but
what about this? Yes,
but what about that? This
won’t work because of such and such.
This is wrong. This
is missing. You can’t wear that blouse with those slacks, etc.”
like my Aunt Harriet.”
she a lot of fun to be around?”
and my uncle hated her constant corrections.”
you are sending a rocket to the moon, you need some ‘Yes,
but’ people on your team, however in a personal relationship,
having similar styles adds a definite advantage.
people tend to get along OK with each other, however a sameness person
and a difference person will tend to clash.”
we are fine together?”
that area, yes.”
there areas where we clash?”
of our biggest differences between us are that I tend to be spontaneous,
out-going and sometimes outlandish while you tend to be more quite,
reserved and much more planned.
I tend to make intuitive decisions, while you’re more often
logically analyze the pros and cons or try to figure things out.”
that a problem?”
as long as we understand our differences, and allow each other to be who
good to hear.” Then
I ask, “What area of compatibility do you like best about us?”
replies, “Oh that’s easy.
We are both kinesthetic junkies.
We love touching and being touched by each other.
We are also both strongly visual and, for both of us, auditory
information is of much less importance.”
We talk about this in considerable detail. Unfortunately, it’s just too big of a bite out of our
elephant for a complete discussion here, so I promise to hold this topic
as another story for another time.
go on to ask, “Are there other areas where, compatibility is important
in a personal relationships?”
she says. “Sharing
the same cultural myths is another important area.”
do you mean by cultural myths,” I ask?
mean do we share common religious and philosophical beliefs?”
think we do pretty well here.”
seem to; however, I suggest we talk more about this.
Are you willing to read two books before we discuss this in
Jezebel takes two books from a nearby shelf and hands them to me:
Conversations with God, Volume
and A New Beginning, Volume I
“These two books express the essence of my religious and
spiritual beliefs and practices. I have already shared with you numerous ideas that are
clearly expressed in these books.
If you intend to master the CLIC arts, I suggest you read both of
sound interesting. I’ll
read them immediately.” I
glanced briefly through the books and then set them aside.
Jezebel, why did you place religious and philosophical beliefs in the
same category as cultural myths?”
they are often confused and all too often they are one and the same.”
tell me why you feel that way?”
“Certainly. We would all like to believe that what our parents, our
teachers and other role models taught us when we were little kids
is the truth. Unfortunately much of it was simply what they were taught by
their parents. Our
parents told us stories about life, often in answer to difficult or
unanswerable question -- answers that often had no provable basis in
reality. There are
dozens and dozens of global, cultural, community or family myths that
humans accept as truth.”
ask, “What are some of the common ones?”
Jezebel proceeds to share with me a long list of ideas that many
people believe to be the absolute truth.
I’ll share just one of them with you now:”
human being is born in sin and is considered to be inherently evil
simply because some far-distant, long-dead ancestor who lived thousands
and thousands of years ago was conned by a snake into eating an apple
from a particular tree.
reply, “If you take that statement out of its religious context and
tell it to someone who is not familiar with the Christian Bible, it does
indeed, sound rather farfetched.”
After listening to her discuss several cultural myths, I tell her
that we seem to have a lot of similar and compatible values in these
areas. When I say
that many of the myths do not apply to me, Jezebel suggests that I
become an observer of my own actions and see if what I say I believe and
what I actually practice are one and the same.
talk about many other areas of our potential similarities and
the concept of similarities and differences is also so large that it’s
another story for another time.
the evening wears on, Jezebel becomes even more open and loving.
We are quite sensual with each other, but, as she requests, we
refrain from engaging in anything that is overtly sexual.
We talk some about our previous Sunday together at James’ cabin
and both agree it was a delightful experience; however, when I want to
talk in detail, she requests that we hold the discussion for a week or
I also comment on her shift in attitude toward me, but short of
outright denial, she plays down the idea that there has been a change. Since I’m feeling so good about everything else that
is occurring between us, and since she also promises that we’ll share
another CLIC experience in the near future, I just let it go, figuring
I’ll find out soon enough what has triggered the change.
of Chapter Five --- Check Mate