Word still is God:
ecstasy is in your mind, Stoney, not between your legs.
Do you recall the very first sexual practice I taught you where
you start sexual stimulation physically and finish mentally?”
you also remember the Biblical passage: ‘In the beginning was the
word; and the word was with God; and the Word was God’?”
the Word still is God. I’ve
simply combined the divine creativity of my thoughts, beliefs and words
with a Tantric practice, and I’ve done so in a way that few others
have thought of doing. The
result is that I’ve manifested the reality of both together in an
extremely joyous way. Once
you consciously and intentionally connect to the non-physical aspect of
yourself, anything you set your mind to becomes your reality.
Stoney, my ecstasy is far more than physical. I am literally connecting to the invisible ‘All That
Is’. Sex for me is
truly a spiritual experience.”
say, “I wish I could believe you.”
responds with, “As long as you don’t believe that you can experience
joy at the level I do, you can never experience it at that level.
Remember the line, ‘According
to your faith, so be it onto you.’
Or how about, ‘If you have but the faith of a mustard seed, you
can move mountains.’ Do
you believe that those statements true or are they fairytales?”
you’re bullshitting yourself again.
Your mouth may say they’re true, but your behavior says they
aren’t. Tell me
honestly now, do you believe those biblical statements are true?”
a pause for thought, I say, “For me they’re not.”
‘According to your faith, so be it onto you.’
You can’t experience orgasm at the levels I do because you
believe you can’t and only because you believe you can’t. If you did even just the practices I’ve already shown
and did them with the faith of a mustard seed, you’d soon be
demonstrating levels of pleasure that would surpass the most intense
physical orgasm you’ve ever had.”
it really that simple?”
laugh and say, “OK, OK, I've got your message, but I still find
it hard to believe.”
on, Stoney! Now
you’re arguing for your limitations, and you’re making self-fulfilling,
negative statements. It’s
not that you aren’t a powerful creator.
It’s that you keep making mutually canceling statements of
creation. With one
sentence you create, and with the next you countermand the first.
It’s like building something with one hand and tearing it back
down with the other. And,
all the while, you’re running around in circles wondering why you
aren’t going anywhere.
I’m not telling you this to belittle you in any way or put you
not trying to change you. I
don’t want to change you. I
can’t change you. I’m
telling you the truth because I love you.
Let me make clear another of my promises to you right now:
I promise to look for and find the very best in you — to hold for you,
a grand and glorious vision of who you really are — and to assist you
in stepping into and living that vision.”
And while we’re on this topic, may I read to you a brief piece
of prose that I wrote shortly after we met?”
of course,” I say.
goes to her bookshelf, takes out another of her notebooks, returns,
flips through the pages and then reads me the following:
I can help you to create
much joy as the world
given to me,
I will be well pleased.
saddens me when I think
all those lost moments of joy
you might have had.
the same time, it brings me great joy
think of all the momentous times
still can have, if you choose
turn your chosen goals
their physical reality.
come with me now
a journey into your potential,
in return, I will give to you
— Free! — Joyous!
to be whatever you choose to be!”
you,” I say. “I
really do feel loved, respected and cared for by you.
I also reconfirm my commitment to go with you on a journey into,
not only my potential, but into yours as well.”
you, Stoney. May
I also read to you something that I received from Intendr several years
please.” She flips through the pages, finds what she’s looking
for and then reads the following paragraphs:
relationship is a journey, an
It is not a product or a destination.
Neither is it something you do.
It’s who you are, and it’s who
you are looking back at you.
So, whenever you find your partner
driving you crazy, it’s not about him or
It’s about you and about the
feelings within you triggered by what’s
going on between the two of you.”
that emotional turmoil as a gift, a gift
from God designed to allow you to see
yourself more clearly.
Ask, ‘What is my opportunity here?
What is my gift here?
What is this situation telling me
Who do I choose to be in this moment.
Is my choice an accurate reflection
of who I claim to be?
Am I allowing my partner to be
himself/herself, or am I trying to change
him and impose my will on him/her?”
you find yourself being a mini-dictator,
then look into a mirror and repeat the
following line as long as it takes for you
to realize its truth.”
only person I can change in any relationship
only person I can change in any relationship
only person I can change in any relationship
say, “Thinking of a relationship is an ever-unfinished symphony
is a neat way to look at it.”
I think about this for moment, and add, “So now I have an
unfinished symphony, Jazz, and
yoni dancing, all rolled into one powerful and delightful package.
Thank you. Are
you any other musical treats?”
laughs and says, “Yes, sex, as I experience it, is a divine dance.”
When I don’t say anything, she adds, “and it can be the same
for you, too.”
certainly hope so,” I say.
all you need to do is get rid of that doubt.
Just watch me. Use
me as a role model. I
assure you, sex can be a spiritual experience!
I’m walking, talking, living proof of that, and so is
Christina, and, for that matter, so are several others, including some
men that you haven’t met yet.”
sit looking at her in amazement.
“Jazz,” I say, “just being with you is a spiritual
starts singing, “Thank you for caring.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your loving with me.”
I join her and we sing to each other for a minute or so.
she stops singing and looks at me like someone who has just discovered
she says, “let’s expand on this song.
We can take some of our thoughts, desires and intentions and put
them to music. That
would empower them considerably, enhance our relationship, and be great
fun at the same time.”
I say. Is all this really happening, and happening in just one
evening? Or am I
dreaming? When I woke
up this morning, I never imagined any of this would happen today.
Not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine the day turning out
like it has. If I
were a drinking man, at this point, I’d say, “I need a drink.”
she says, “I don’t need a drink, but another round of ecstasy would
suit me fine.”
kidding,” I say.
at all," she responds; “however, I’d be willing to substitute
chocolate ice cream, if that would be preferable to you.”
more than slight emphasis, I say, “Chocolate ice cream, please,
at least for me. You
may have either or both, if you like.”
let’s have ice cream and maybe as were going to sleep, I’ll do the
yoni dance again while you hold me.
Which reminds me, you’re invited to stay the night.”
I am? Another
delightful surprise. Thank
you. Your invitation
is definitely accepted.”
ice cream becomes the tamest part of our evening and as we’re enjoying
it, Jezebel says, “Do you see the what we do physically is content
within the context of our mutual love and how our mutual love is content
within the grander context where we’re both divine beings sharing a
ask, “Are you saying that those two contexts define the playing field
and set the basic, ground rules for the game we’re calling our
Let me share this with you in a symbolic picture format.
She takes a pencil and pad of paper from the shelf and writes a
list. She hands me the list and says, “Here’s context and
content in computer language.”
you are saying that letters are content in the context of words, and
words are content in the context sentences, all the way to the grandest
but the list can expand in both direction. Every computer is
content is a still grander context, and the letters are contexts for
still smaller things."
the proceeds to create a second list, hands it to me and says, “Now
here we are as content in some of our grander contexts.”
/The All / The Source
The Three Universal laws — Allowing, Thought, Intentional Creating
Us as Divine Beings
Us Living on Planet Earth in a Human Body
Our Mutual Love
Each of Us as Individuals
Whatever We Chose to Create and/or Experience
those contexts we can create our relationship any way we choose to.
It’s our co-creative adventure.”
say, “I’m delighted with our co-creation.”
am I,” she says, “and do you see how, within the grander context,
what we do for each other, we also do for ourselves, and what I do for
ourselves, we also do for each other?”
sort of,” I say, “but I a little clarification would help.”
Think of all humans as pieces of one immense Divine Being who has
divided itself into many parts.
Each part is still portion of the whole, even when that part has
forgotten who and what it is.
It’s like I’m the left hand, you’re the right hand, and
we’re both aspects of a grander context made up of us and many more
parts. Every part is
connected to every other part and all the parts together are called a
ask, “So in loving you, I’m loving myself and in loving myself,
I’m loving you?”
By acknowledging our unity on the spiritual level, it gives us
both the opportunity to much more easily see and live that unity on the
physical level. If we
both hold that vision, then bringing you joy brings me joy and bringing
myself joy, brings you joy, and the same is true for you.”
if we didn’t believe that?”
our activities would be within a different context, and the different
context would give the activities very different meanings.
The opposite pole to our divine unity is the separatist, duality
game called ‘What’s in it for me.’
That’s not a very joyous context for an intimate relationship,
or for any other type of relationship.”
the evening turns into night and the clock hands both reach their
highest crescendo, we decide to walk around the neighborhood and then
return to sleep for the first time in each other’s arms.
We don appropriate street clothes and exit by way of the back
yard. During the
walk, our conversation turns to intimacy, and I share with you now
Jezebel’s words on this topic:
is not just touching each other’s bodies; it’s not simply sharing
sex. It’s our
personality; it’s who we are inside.
Do we love ourselves enough to allow someone else to love us?
Can we be open with each other?
Can we come to terms with our thoughts, with our feelings, our
emotions, with our needs, our desires, our likes and dislikes, and can
we express them openly with each other without hesitation and without
fear of an angry backlash? Intimacy
is in our open communication.
Intimacy is in the emotional ties between us.
Can we be authentic? Can
we be true to ourselves? Symbolically
speaking, can we lay all our cards on the table?
Can we allow each other to be who we choose to be in that moment?
Intimacy is loving ourselves and each other enough to be truly
vulnerable and, at the same time, feel completely safe.”
walk for about 30 minutes, then return to Jezebel’s home, and, after
only a few minutes of personal hygiene, we’re cuddling, naked in bed
together. Jazz and I
together offer prayers of gratitude for all the delightful experiences
of the day, and then, to my amazement, as we are going to sleep
she says, ”Please hold me while I bring up my sexual energies just
enough to launch myself into a pleasant altered state of being.”
ask what she means and she replies, “I’ll explain tomorrow.
For now just hold me, be here with me, and let yourself drift off
to sleep.” Although
sleepy, my curiosity is sufficiently aroused to stay awake long enough
to witness her activity. She
stimulates herself for about three minutes and then becomes still.
I hear and feel her breathing which sounds deeper, slower and
more rhythmic than someone sleeping.
I do not disturb her to ask if she is sleeping.
I hold her close, I offer another prayer of gratitude for my extreme
good fortune and then say softly, “In my dreams tonight, I intend to
experience and be touched by another angel of love.”
My whispered words do not seem to disturb Jezebel, whose
breathing now sounds more like she is sleeping.
Soon, I, too, drift into sleep.
of Chapter Fifteen --- Intimacy, Freedom and a Taste of