A self-awareness story about life, love, romance, and the intimate love arts.

 

   The Yoni Dance Book Trilogy

The Ultimate "How to" Book
About All Those Things
Your Parents Never Taught You

 

Book Two

Relationships or Fantasy Trips 

Chapter Four

Creating Lloving Relationships

 

 

 

 

 

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The Purpose of Marriage:

Intendr responds, “Yes, my lady, and now that we have set the context and now that we know where not to go, we'll head in the opposite direction.   Marriage, in the form we just talked about, is an attempt to create external security.   There is no such thing.   Life does not come with guarantees.   Neither does a loving relationship.   If you want real security, you must create it within yourself by realizing who and what you are — that you are an eternal Divine being having a temporary, physical experience.   In that knowing there is total security.

    Then in the context of knowing you are an eternal, Divine Being, you can share your Earthly self completely with absolutely no fear of losing who you are.   You can share your wholeness, rather than using the other to fill in what seems to be missing in your life.   You then become partners, companions, and lovers sharing an incredible journey of mutual, self-discovery — each completely free to be exactly who you choose to be — each inspired by the other to expand in daily self-discovery.   Within such a context, all agreements become free-will choices and are re-negotiable at any time.”

I say, “It doesn’t sound like there’s any commitment in that.”

Intendr responds, “The commitment is to love, to freedom, and to joy.   The commitment is to remember who you really are and to assist you partner in doing likewise.  Another major departure from traditional marriage is that I’m suggesting you make a commitment to both of you and not just a one sided commitment to your partner.   When you consciously add yourself to the mix, you get a very different result and a very different relationship.   In doing so, you avoid losing your identity and you avoid the resentment that commonly grows in traditional marriages from being someone else’s property.”   Here’s a sample statement of commitment:

I openly commit myself to share an intimate
relationship with you with the intention of
manifesting the following purposes:

The purpose of our relationship is to lift our lives to their highest potential -- to bring out the best in ourselves and in each other -- to relate in the contexts of compassion, understanding, forgiveness, harmony, and love. 

The purpose of our relationship is to create, with and for each other, the time, the space, the place, and the opportunity for personal growth and for joyous, free, and open self-expression.

The purpose of our relationship is to relate to each other in the context of opportunity rather than obligation — the context of allowing rather than tolerance.

The purpose of our relationship is to assist each other to see beyond every false thought and small idea we have ever had about ourselves, about each other, or about anyone else -- to assist each other in remembering to be grateful for everything we experience -- to assist each other in seeing all difficult times as gifts from God, and as opportunities to remember, to choose, and to be who we really are.

The purpose of our relationship is to know Gods love in physical form -- to know the god you are and the god I am.   The purpose of our relationship is is to transform our sexual union into a communion with the Universal Essence we call God.

Our relationship is an opportunity for each of us to decide who we'd like to be in relation to the each other while knowing that the only thing that matters for me is how I choose to be in relation to you,  and the only thing that matters for you is how you choose to be in relation to me. 

The purpose our relationship is to have someone with whom I can share myself exactly as I am in every moment -- to have a place to embody my fondest desires -- to express who I am in every moment.

The purpose of our relationship is to provide each of us with the opportunity to each day see an even grander vision of who and what we really are.    The purpose of our relationship is to stand by each other as we step into our vision, regardless of what that vision may be.

The purpose of our relationship is to practice loving you and loving me equally -- to place myself first in every situation while knowing that expressing altruism is the most selfish thing I can do -- while knowing that what I do for me I also do for you  and what I do for you I also do for me.  

The purpose of our relationship is to share ourselves with each other as mirrors, role models, and partners on the path of life.   The purpose of our relationship is to create the ultimate physical union with God through the communion of our two souls.

I promise to look for and find the very best in you -- to hold for you, a grand and glorious vision of who you really are -- and to assist you in stepping into and living that vision. pink shinny bullet 4-1  

You’ve probably heard the line, ‘Set it free, and if it returns, it was meant to be’.   Are you capable of loving someone enough to give him absolute freedom to be himself, no matter what?   That is, after all, what you are asking for yourself.”

    If you want that kind of a relationship, you must create it by clearly stating your intentions for yourself and for your relationship.   Your partner must create a similar intention or the process will never work.   Once you decide what you want, share those intentions with your partner to be sure you’re both seeking the same goals, then, you both must walk your talk.”

    Your partner can create this kind of relationship with you, but not for you and you cannot create it for him.   If the two of you don’t intentionally create your relationship, you will get whatever comes down the highway of what seems like chance.   It is not really a highway of chance.   It is a highway of unconscious creations, every aspect of which is still self-created.“

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Transforming the Context of Marriage:

Jezebel Continues, “That’s nice talk, but how do we actually re-create marriage so that it fulfills our desires for lasting love and still leaves us with freedom to be ourselves?”  

“By shifting the context of marriage and, in so doing, we give it a completely new meaning.”

“That’s still too ‘airy fairy.’   What do you mean by shifting the context of marriage?  pink shinny bullet 4-2   Won’t that destroy marriage as we know it?”  

“I would prefer to think of it as a transformation.   Think of marriage as presently constituted as a caterpillar.   I’m suggesting we turn it into a butterfly.”  

“You mean it’s possible to re-constitute marriage in such a way that it actually fulfills our desires for an intimate, long-lasting, loving relationship.”  

“Of course!   What I am about to offer can do the same for any type of inter-personal relationship — family, business, or social — it can work in all of them.”  

“OK, you have my full attention.” 

“Start by first holding yourself in the context of:   I am an Eternal Divine Being who has come to Earth to express my Divinity in physical form.”  

“You’re saying, I must start with my basic, fundamental belief system?”  

“Yes, if you don’t first understand who and what you are, then the rest of what I have to offer will be based on a false foundation and, therefore, will be meaningless and useless.”  

“I already hold that context.”  

“I think not.   At least not completely.“ 

“Why do you say that?”  

“Because you’re not presently living in that context with regard to your potential relationship with Stoney.”  

“Yes, you’re right.   I’m not.   I’m being fearful and there’s no fear when I’m expressing my divinity.”  

I sit silently for a moment thinking about what he has just said.   I look intently at him and say, “Intendr.”  

“Yes,” he responds. 

“I’m not sure I understand what you just said, so please explain the divine being context to me again.”  

“Why, of course.   The divine being context says you and I and everyone else are all aspects of one Universal consciousness -- that humans are far more that just blobs of physical matter that have somehow acquired consciousness --  that we are all pieces of a greater and much grander whole -- that we are all eternal divine beings, some of whom are presently focused on Earth and are living in physical bodies.  At least as a working hypotheses, you must set aside the multitudes of religious  stories that have no evidence to support them."

"What stories?" I ask.

"That Earth is a ticket to heaven -- that humans are physical beings being testes for fitness to enter heaven -- that humans are inherently evil -- that God murdered his son to prove he love you -- that you go to heaven if you murder someone who practices a religion different from yours -- that  your religion is the one and only pathway to God -- that God can be bribed by killing animals and burning their corpses -- that in a conflict, God is only on your side -- that your group is God's chosen group and other groups are inferior.   And there are several dozen more beliefs that are just beliefs about reality and have nothing to do with reality."

"So how does that relate to our discussion?"  

"When living in that context, being kind, loving, forgiving, generous, courteous, etc. are all integral parts of living as who I say I am.   In that context, what I do for you, I also do for me, and what I do for me, I also do for you.   So, if I function out of the context of myself as a divine being, then infinite self-love and self-importance means I place you there also.   Do you recall the biblical words,  ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’?”  

“Yes, of course.” 

“Well then, if you understand and live those words, you know that in this context, giving kindness, courtesy, love, etc. to your partner and/or to your neighbor, or anyone else also becomes an act of serving yourself.   If you share yourself with a partner who is also living in this same context, you can both place yourselves first; you can both be selfish; you can both love yourselves infinitely;  you can both be absolutely free to be anyone you choose to be;  you can both be absolutely free to change and grow into anyone you choose to be; and, at the same time, you can both be wonderful and loving partners with each other.   In such a context, love is your bond and not a contract signed on a piece of paper and kept in a drawer somewhere.”  

“I know you’ve explained this to me before, but it’s still hard for me to grasp.   How can one be selfish and completely giving at the same time?”  

“You are facing another of those divine dichotomies that doesn’t make sense to a human mind that is stuck in the either/or world of duality. pink shinny bullet 4-3    The best way to know if this is truth or fiction is to test this hypothesis via your own personal experience.   Initially, at least, this requires a leap of faith in that you will have to trust that you have the capacity find the answers within yourself.

     Many of the physical actions will be the same, but in the new context, they will take on a completely different meaning.   Those new meanings will generate completely different internal feelings, and, as you well know, it’s the internal feelings of joy that we desire.   So living in the space of joy with your partner will trigger thoughts, words, and actions that will generate physical actions resulting in physical sensations that, in turn will trigger more feeling of joy.“  

“Wow!   You’ve just described the positive pole of the Eternal Circle of Being.”  

“Yes, I know.   Now your job is to live it.”  

“That’s one job I’ll gladly accept.”  

“That’s an excellent attitude to hold.   Remember that this is an ideal, and it will require total commitment on the part of both partners to make it an earthly reality.   At first, you’ll find yourself frequently reverting to your old ways, particularly in moments of stress.   Success will come.   It is only a matter of time, providing you remain totally committed to your goal and pick yourselves up and start again every time you fall down.   Success will come in degrees in bits and pieces, and your little successes will encourage you toward bigger successes.   Soon you will notice that serendipity really is on your side.”  

To that I say, “Like eating an elephant again, one bite at a time.   Now I’m sure you’re going to give me some ideas as to how to do this.”  

“Jezebel, you already know how.   The key to success is to follow your feelings and to follow faithfully the three laws of reality,  The Law of Allowing,  The Law of Thought,  and the Law of Intentional Creating. pink shinny bullet 4-4    Think of yourself as a Divine Being having a human experience and constantly ask, ‘Who am I and who do I choose to be in relation to what I’m now experiencing’?”  

“That’s still a pretty tall order.”  

“With a loving partner and the three Universal Laws, you can give a pretty tall response.   Remember your words to Stoney,   “Practice.   Practice.   Practice.”  

“Yes, and I also told him not to expect mastery in two weeks.”  

“Then don’t expect miracles here, either.   Piece by piece and step by step, mastery will surely come, that is, providing you continue to hold your vision and re-commit yourself every time you miss the mark.   Remember, a relationship isn’t something you have.   It’s something you are.   And if you understand who and what you are, you’ll also understand that you will be re-creating your relationship moment by moment for the rest of your life.   You do that anyway, so you may as well do it consciously and manifest your relationship in a form that pleases you.   Do you remember my telling you the three main reasons why you’re here on Earth?”  

“Yes, but I’m not very clear-headed at the moment, so please tell me again.”

“You’re here to create and experience joy, freedom and personal transformation while living in a physical body. pink shinny bullet 4-5     Relationships are among the grandest of human contexts and offer the ideal form within which to manifest all three of these basic reasons for being here.”  

“Intendr, I need a break.  Sometimes when talking with you, I just go into overwhelm.”  

He laughs as I take off my shoes and begin splashing my feet in the water   Intendr soon joins me and together we were just there with the stream, the trees and the sunshine for a few minutes.   After wading in the water, we stroll silently around on the grass to let our feet dry.  

I stop, turn to him and say,   “OK, coach, now what?”  

“Well, Jezebel, now that you’ve acknowledged your context as a Divine Being and acknowledged your overall goals of joy, freedom, and growth, the next step is to decide specifically what it is that you choose to create and share with Stoney.   Sit quietly.   Give your imagination free reign.   Imagine your intention  in pictures, feelings, and sounds.   Include tastes and smells also.   Revise it where it feels less than completely joyous”  

    Sit with it until you feel so good that you’re excited about it and then share it with him.   See if he’s willing to be in an intimate relationship with you and willing to do so in a manner that is in harmony with you and your choices.   It will sound something like this:   Here’s who and what I am.   Here’s what I choose to be.   Here’s what I choose to have, do, express, and experience.   I am offering to share myself and my creations with you.   Are you willing to participate in this adventure with me?

    So, I suggest you return home now and write a first draft of who you are and what you choose to be.   Then let’s meet here again at noon, tomorrow.”   

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Who Am I?

We part company, and I walk home slowly while intentionally breathing deeply and asking myself:  “Who am I?   What am I?   Who and what do I choose to be?   What would I consider inviting Stoney to share with me?”   By the time I arrive home, several ideas have come to me.   I sit at my computer and begin to write.   The refinement of those first notes takes several days to complete; however, before the day is done, I have a rough copy of my creation.  

The following day, I put a copy of what I’ve written in my pocket and go to meet Intendr in the park.   I am barefoot and walking in the stream when he arrives.   “Intendr, look at this,” I say.    In a quiet corner of a pool, I point out a floating mass of jelly about the size of a baseball.   It’s filled with what look like small green eyes.  

He looks at it and says, “I see momma frog has set forth her creation into the world.   This little pool will soon be filled with tadpoles.   So how about your creation, Jezebel?   Is it ready to be put forth into the world?   Did you write your statement?” 

“Yup,” I say.                  

“Good!   Then, who are you?   What are you?   Who and what do you choose to be?  

The Context:

We walk back to the park bench, and I share a draft of my creation with him: 

In every moment, I am complete.   I am here and now in every moment.   I am spontaneous and free to be and do exactly as I choose.   As I go about my daily business, I repeatedly ask: “In the face of what is going on right now, right here, who do I choose to be? and how do I choose to respond?”   I answer the question and then proceed to walk my talk to the best of my ability.

In knowing that we are all one, I choose to love myself first so that I have the capacity to love everyone and everything else.   I give my love to myself, to you, and to all others, knowing that I receive back ten-fold of what I give out.

In the context of our mutual love, it is still I who chooses who and what I shall be and what I shall do.   Our shared love is a context within which I make those choices for me, and you make similar choices for yourself.

I am an eternal, divine being, living in a human body and sharing my human experience with you.

I am a swimmer in the sea of infinite possibilities, ever re-creating myself anew.   I have no idea today who I may one day choose to become.   Right now, in this exact moment, I choose to love you and to share part of my life with you.   Oh, that moment is gone.   OK, in this new moment, I again choose to live, love and laugh with you.   Thus, in each moment, I re-create my love for you.   My love of life and of other human beings in no way restricts my love for you for love grows by sharing it.

Our love must remain ever new, re-created moment-by-moment, every day.   Our love will change.   It will grow and evolve.   It will be ever new.   It will not be tomorrow what it is today.   It cannot be tomorrow what it is today for like everything else in the universe, it, too, must change.

Harmony is our most important, mutual creation.   If harmony leaves, I will invite it back.   If harmony is destroyed, I will re-create it.   If harmony dies I will rebirth it.   Beyond that, I can make no promises as to who I shall be tomorrow, or the next day, or next year.

Who I am:

You must realize that I am not the person you think I am.   I cannot compete with your fantasy about who you think I am.   I shall not even try.   In being who I am, I will surely surprise you, please you, and disappoint you, sometimes all in the same moment.

I’m another imperfect human being.   I make mistakes and do stupid, foolish and sometimes embarrassing things.   I have some annoying habits like thinking I’m right when I really don’t know.   I’m sometimes so spontaneous that I jump into things and occasionally get myself into a lot of trouble.   I have, at times, flaunted my sexuality and manipulated men into doing my bidding.   I have a sexual nature that some would call a bizarre work of the devil and others would call a spiritual connection to God.   I hate math because I’m not very good at it, and I’ve turned dinner into smoke and carbon on more than one occasion.

You may think you know me.   You don’t!   You have seen only the barest glimpse of me and then, mostly my good side.   I have been called impulsive, impudent, rude, brash, brazen, ballsy, an ingénue with an attitude.   Some say I’m crazy, naive or just plain stupid.

I don’t like football, or basketball.   I hate hockey and I can’t pee standing up.   Well, actually, I can.   It’s just that it’s rather messy that way.

I live in a female body that secretes blood on a monthly basis.   My breasts are too small, my feet are too big, and my nose is too pointed.   My body sweats like everyone else’s, smells when not washed and passes gas like all others.   I get cranky when I’m tired, panic when my period is late, and I just plain refuse to drink eight glasses of water in a single day.

When I think I’m right, I can be obstinate, stubborn and willful.   I like to think of myself as a spiritual being, but sometimes I can’t or simply don’t walk my talk.   At times I know what’s right for me to do and I do something else, anyway.

If you are foolish, brave, wise and willing, to step into the unknown with me.   I am here for you and with you. 

I finish reading and look up at him.  “Jezebel, that’s great,” he says.  We talk about what I wrote.   He offers several ideas and I take some notes. 

“Are you ready for the next step?”  

“Yes.   That’s why I am here.”  

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What Turns You On?

“Good.   Now get more specific about your physical nature.   What turns you on?   What makes you feel good?   What brings you joy?” 

“What turns me on?   That’s easy.   I love to venture into the unknown and the unusual.   That’s why I love what I do for the Of-Course Foundation.   I love seeking and finding new levels of truth about things I thought I already knew.   I love music.   I love singing and dancing.   I love flexibility and spontaneity.   I love sharing myself and my creations with others.”  

    I love to provocatively strip off my clothes and dance naked in front of men and sometimes in front of women.   I love flaunting my sexuality.   I love being the center of attention.   I love getting other people excited and making them feel good.   I love floating with my partner into extended periods of orgasmic ecstasy.“ 

“So, Jezebel, if you are going to be with a romantic partner, you’d best find someone who will delight in, or at least be OK and compatible with you being who you are and doing what you love to do.   Find someone who can take joy in or at least be comfortable while watching you in your CLI Circles when you turn other men on to the point of orgasm.   If he doesn’t accept you exactly as you are and exactly as you choose to be, sooner or later, it will cause friction between you.   It will either stifle your freedom and create resentment in you, or it will create negative emotions in him that will come out at you in one form or another.”  

Compatibility:

“Have you considered what attributes of compatibility you share or don’t share with Stoney?”

“Not really.   At least not in any detail.” 

“Shall we start doing that now?” 

“Definitely!” 

“If you intend to share a long-term, intimate relationship with anyone, the first and most important question to ask is, ‘Do you share a common or compatible religious/spiritual philosophy’?”  pink shinny bullet 4-6  

“Although he is relatively new to the concepts of spirituality that I adhere to, we seem to be quite compatible in this area.”  

“Seem to be?   What does that tell you?” 

“It tells me to examine this area more thoroughly.” 

“What is his primary mode of taking-in, processing and exchanging information?   Is it auditory, kinesthetic or visual?”  

“We hit the compatibility jackpot on this one.   We’re both kinesthetic junkies.   At times, we can hardly keep our hands off each other.   We are, secondarily, both strongly visual, and sound comes much lower in importance for both of us.”  

“I know you are quite spontaneous.   How about Stoney?”  

“This is an area where we need to be aware of our differences.   He’s much more into planning.   I’ll have something half done while he’s still thinking about it.”  

“I’ll also bet he’s much more quiet and reserved than you are.”  

“This is one our biggest challenges.   I’m outspoken and want to be the center of attention while he’s rather quiet and reserved.   We’re clearly at opposite ends of the pole on this one.”   

“And what of your sexual compatibility?”  

“Based on our recent adventure together at James’ cabin, I’d say we’ll be fine, but we need a lot more discussion about our sexual patterns before I can answer that one for certain.”  

“How about the pattern of moving toward that which brings you pleasure as distinct from moving away from that which brings you pain?”  

“We both move toward things that pleasure us, so we’re fine here.“  

“Then probably you both act out of possibility rather than necessity.”

“Yes, definitely.”  

“In a situation that needs attention, what do each of you focus on first?   What is?   What used to be?  or  What can be?”   

“We’re a good match here.   We both see what is and then immediately see what can be.”  

“And do you see those situations as a problem or as an opportunity?”  

“Again a good match.   We both see possibilities.” 

“And how about self-esteem and self-evaluations?”

“You know that I usually don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks, so obviously I evaluate my behavior internally.   Stoney is about halfway between self-evaluation and judging his behavior based on the feedback he gets from others.   I know this area warrants additional discussion, but I think we can easily handle our differences in this area.”  

“And what about money and finances?”  

“We haven’t discussed this topic at all, so I have no idea yet where we stand on this issue.”  

“You would be wise to be quite clear here as this is a major stumbling block in most relationships.”  

“Do you keep things because you just might need them again some day, or do you let them go?   This brings up the topic of neatness and cleanliness.   Are you compatible here?”  

“Yes, we both keep our respective environments relatively neat, reasonably clean and free from old junk, so we’re fine here.”  

“Do you evaluate the world by looking for similarities or looking for differences?”  When you evaluate something, do you first notice what's right or what's wrong?   If you are opposites here, this will be a major stumbling block in your relationship.

“This is another area where we’re completely compatible.   Both of us first see similarities and then note the differences.   We both focus on what is right and then note what's wrong.”  

Intendr says, “I know you are of the differences between how men and women process information and function in the world, but is Stoney also aware of these differences?”  

“This is another area that will require a lot more discussion.   We still need to acknowledge our differences and create agreements on how to handle those differences.  pink shinny bullet 4-7     This is, however, an area in which I feel very comfortable.   I’m sure we can easily handle this one.”

We both become quiet.   We sit quietly for a long time just staring into the water.   Finally, I break the silence.  “Intendr, when I look at all this, I feel overwhelmed.   All I wanted was a simple, straight-forward writer and look where I am now.” 

“Quit lying to yourself, Jazz.   There are no victims here.   If all you wanted was a writer, that’s all you would have manifested.”

I sigh, shake my head and say, “Yes, I know you’re right again, but sometimes, I just want to run away and hide, anyway.   Thank you for bringing these issues back into my conscious awareness.”

“Yes, my lady, that’s my job  and your job now is to walk your own elephant talk — one bite at a time.”

“As Stoney would say,   ‘That damned elephant again.’ ”

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Children:

“Jazz, there is one more area we haven’t yet covered.”

“And what is that?” I say.

Intendr continues, “If your relationship with Stoney turns out to be a long-term mutual commitment, you will both need to consider how you feel about having children.”    When he says the word children, my body tightens.   I love kids, and at the same time, I can’t imagine devoting my next 20 years to raising any of them.   

I say,  “Intendr, just the thought of having a child scares the hell out of me.       Now I’m really in a quandary.   I can’t talk to Stoney about children.   I can’t even admit to him that I’m deeply fond of him, and now you’re suggesting I talk to him about whether or not we want to have children together.”

“Deeply fond of him?   Jazz, at times, you really are something else.   Stop for moment and take a deep breath.”

I take in a deep breath.   As I exhale, Intendr says, “Keep breathing deeply and do a couple of your quick, cycle-breaking exercises.”   I do the infinity sign and the hands on my head exercises and immediately feel better. pink shinny bullet 4-8 

“Now for a moment,” he says,  “step back, away from all this, and watch yourself as if you were someone else watching Jezebel and then tell me what you see.” 

We are both quiet for a moment, and then I say, “I see that I have gotten myself into a very emotional state of being, and that my emotions have gotten between me and clear thinking.   I also see that in dealing with Stoney, I have reverted to my childhood pattern of behavior.”

“Good noticing, my lady.”

“Now tell me, are the words ‘deeply fond of him’ the correct words to describe your feelings for Stoney?”

“No, not really,” I say.

“Then speak the truth, at least to yourself.   You can, for a while, get away with lying to the world, but you can never get away with lying to yourself.   Denial will eat you up quicker than a frog’s tongue can catch a fly.

    Just look at yourself.   You showed up here yesterday as an emotional basket case, and the whole thing stems from your denying what’s really going on.   Now tell it to me straight and true.   How do you feel about Stoney?”

I pause, look at Intender, take a deep breath and say, “I’m very much in love with him.”

“Say it again.   Use his name this time.”

“I’m very much in love with Stoney.”

“Good!  Now add your name and say it again.”

I say, “Jazz Scrivener, am deeply in love with Stoney.”

Then he asks me,  “Is that the truth?”

“Yes,” I say.   “That is indeed, the truth.”

“Now what do you choose to do with that truth?” 

Without hesitation, I say, “I want to live it.”

“And how does that show up for you?”

“I want to be with him.   I want to share my life with him.   I want to spend hours talking with him.   I want to spend hours being quiet at his side.   I want to wake up to his smiling face each morning.   I want to hug him, hold him and kiss him.   I want to make mad passionate love to him for hours at a stretch.”

“Now throw out ‘want’ and replace it with ‘I choose’ or with ‘I intend’ and then restate it.”

“I choose to be with him.   I choose to share my life with him.   I choose to spend hours talking with him.   I choose to spend hours being quiet at his side.   I choose to wake up to his smiling face each morning.   I choose to hug him, hold him and kiss him.   I choose to make mad passionate love to him for hours at a stretch.”

“With that clear a declaration and with that much desire, do you suppose you could figure out a way to find out he feels about children and a way to let him know how you feel?”

“Of course.   I could outright ask him.   I could also invite him into a situation where one of my girlfriends with kids is there.   That could easily bring up the topic.”

“And within yourself, how would you go about creating that or some other ideal opportunity to talk to him about kids?”

I say, “I could just think it into being.   I could create a clear vision of my desire, state that vision as a declaration in positive, personal, present tense language, and then with absolute faith that it’s already done and with an attitude of gratitude, say ‘thank you’ and, lastly, just get out of the way while the universe brings it into my physical reality.

    I could also transform my clear mental picture into a written statement of intention and then, while focusing on my vision, I could read that statement out loud each morning just after awakening and each evening just prior to bed, and I could continue to do so until it manifested in my physical reality.”

Intendr asks, “Is that how you found a writer for your CLI Circle story?”

“Yes,” I say.

“Well, Jazz, since it took only seven days for you to manifest Stoney’s presence in your life, a simple thing like creating an opportunity to casually talk about kids ought to be a snap for you, but before you do let me bring one other thing into your awareness.”  

What's that?" I ask.

"Your attitude toward children is definitely different than most women.  Your running away from Stoney is also atypical for a woman.   These behavior patterns warrants  further examination.   I suggest you look into your childhood and  see which of your parents you are mirroring here."  

What do you mean?"  

"Your parents were your major role models during you young childhood and you took on beliefs and behaviors regarding relationships, love, marriage, children, and several other things  that are either like or the opposite of one or both of your parents.   Unless you've done some significant introspection, you're still  carrying their beliefs, attitudes, behavior patterns.  You'd best examine this area because if you don't, your relationship with Stoney will be based on your parent's relationship and not on who you really are. "

"OK, how do I do that?"

By remembering what they believed, how they behaved toward you, toward each other and toward others.   When you find yourself mirroring them or rebelling against them, stop and ask yourself is this who I  really am. pink shinny bullet  4-9    If  you do, your likely to find your attitudes and behaviors changing so make room in your life for the part of you that hasn't shown up yet. 

“Thanks, Intendr.   I feel much better now.”

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Can I Live My Truth?

“Jazz, I do have one more question. “ 

“And that is. . .?”  

“Now that you have stated your truth, do you have the capacity to live it?”  

“Hmm. . .   I’m going to say absolutely yes, and I accept the challenge to walk my talk.”  

“And are you just talking, or will you actually walk that talk?” 

I take a deep breath and look at him, but before I can speak, he says, “It’s OK to be scared.   It’s OK to be who you are.   Take as much time as you need to be ready.   One morning, you’ll wake up and realize that, in spite of your fears, ‘doing makes you ready’ and your natural self will step into action.   Until then, relax and enjoy the ride.”  

It looks like I still have a lot of homework to do.”  

“Take some time to go over the ideas we’ve talked about, and remember, you still have one more task to accomplish prior to opening yourself up to Stoney.”  

“What’s that?” I ask.  

“Create a specific statement of intention regarding what you choose to experience in a relationship.   You’ve already stated it in general terms — that it expresses who you are — that it allows you complete freedom for you to be who you are — and that it acknowledges your infinite possibilities and your divinity.   Now, fill in the details.   Write a list of what an ideal relationship would be like for you.  pink shinny bullet 4-10  

    In addition to your list of what you desire, also create a list of the reasons why you desire what you desire.   The reasons will add your emotional energy and push your choices toward manifestation.   Once that’s done, then invite Stoney to share that creation with you.   

    If he accepts your invitation, the next step is to have him do for himself the three things I’ve had you do.   Ask him to create a statement that say, ‘Here’s who and what I am.   Here’s what I choose to create.’   Then ask him to also create a specific statement of intention regarding what he chooses to experience in a relationship, and third, ask him to create a list of the reasons why he desires what he desires.“  

I interrupt him with, “Intendr, wait a minute.   Unless we’re both absolute morons, we’re going to accept each other no matter what’s on any list.   Our love and our hearts are in control here, not some ideals written on a list.”

“Well, if the  Shall we accept each other in an intimate relationship  question is answered, then move on to asking each other how — how are we going to take what we now have and what we desire and transform that into a loving relationship?”  

I say, “That’s the real challenge, isn’t it?”  

Intendr responds with, “Rather than a challenge, I suggest you hold it in the context of a game — the game called, ‘I’m here now.   I want to be there then.’ pink shinny bullet 4-11   Share with each other your visions of what an ideal relationship would look like.   Find your similarities, find your differences, note your priorities, and then see how much of that ideal you can manage to manifest.   And, above all, have fun.”

“And what if I don’t do these things?” 

“You’ll manage to create one of two other possibilities.   You’ll end up alone or get yourself entangled in an unconsciously created relationship.”  

“That sounds like another forced choice, but then, there just aren’t any other options.” 

Intendr laughs and says, “That’s the nature of being who and what you are.   Whether you like it or not, you’re constantly creating your experiences.”

I say, “Being a creator is not an option, is it?”  

“No,” he says, “however, what you create certainly is.”  

We both become silent.   I get up, with the intention of leaving, slowly wade into the water again, and walk over near the ball of frog’s eggs.   I make a wave in the water and watch as the eggs move slightly each in perfect harmony with the other; each intimately connected to every other and yet, at the same time, each separate and distinct.   The movement of the water slowly diminishes, and the eggs, too, become still and are just there being as nature intended them to be.

Instead of parting company as I had expected to do, Intendr and I stroll along the stream and talk for another half hour about all kinds of things, and then I return home feeling much more confident in what I am about to do.

End of Chapter Four ---  Creating Loving Relationships

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pink shinny bullet 4-1  "The Purpose of Marriage" was  inspired by chapter eight of book one  of   Conversations with God   by  Neal Donald  Walsch.

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pink shinny bullet 4-2   A context is the environment in which something is or occurs.  Contexts are vitally important because they control/influence/affect everything within them.   For a clearer understanding of what contexts are and why they are important, please see our coaching web site at: <http://www.joy101.org>   The information on contexts can be found at <http://www.joy101.org/33-context.html>   

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pink shinny bullet 4-3   For an in-depth discussion of the basic, spiritual principles underlying romantic relationships please see:  Conversations with God,  Book #1,  Chapter 8, (by Neal Donald Walsh, G. P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, N.Y. 1996.) 

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pink shinny bullet 4-4   See book one chapters 13, 14, and  15

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pink shinny bullet 4-5    For an excellent description of this concept, please see: A New Beginning, Volume II, (Chapter 7—Freedom, Growth, Joy,  Pages 73-78),  by Jerry and Esther Hicks,  Published by Crown International  © 1994.   <http://www.abraham-hicks.com>   Personal transformation refers to the quest to experience a grander vision of who we are and who we choose to be.

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pink shinny bullet 4-6  You may get along while having significant differences as long as:  1)  your differences don’t clash,  2) you don’t allow your differences to interfere with the harmony between you, and 3) that you completely accept and respect of each other’s right to hold different beliefs.

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pink shinny bullet 4-7  Another excellent book that deals with compatibility in relationships is: “Men Are From Mars, Women Re from Venus,  by John Gray;  Harper Collins Publishers, Inc.,  10 East 53rd Street,  New York, N.Y., 10022,  © 1992.

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pink shinny bullet 4-8  See Book I, Chapter 5, Nuts, Bolts, and General Custer.   These are the same exercises that General Custer had Stoney do the day he had the flat tire.

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pink shinny bullet 4-9   This topic will be discussed in more detail in book three.

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pink shinny bullet 4-10  See Book Two, Chapter Fourteen,  It’s Action Time.

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pink shinny bullet 4-11  See Book Two,  Chapter Seven, Life is Not a Punishment.

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Creating Lloving Relationships  

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