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     Chapter  Nine   // CLIC Codes of Conduct for Safe Intimacy       yd22      yd22            gr         gr  //   29 Apr 2013   

How to enhance your Sensual Delights and bring more pleasure and  joy into your life
through physical touch.    Touch may be    purely sensual,    sexually-sensual,     or    outright orgasmic.       

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Book One

The Dream Catcher's Dream

Chapter Nine

Codes of Conduct for Safe Intimacy



About   Caring & Loving Intimacy Connections



Thus, the CLI Circles were born.   It was also the start of a long, loving, and lasting relationship with Henry.   For three years prior to the Silent Water Pond experience, I hated Henry.   It wasn’t until much later, that I realized we were very much alike, and the part of myself I had not been willing to accept, I had simply projected onto Henry where I could justifiably hate it.  

The day at Silent Water Pond when I stripped while I knew he was watching me, I was incredibly turned on.   I still hated him, but I loved being naked in front of him.   I didn’t know why, and I didn’t think to ask.  

When Sarah and I set him up to watch us naked again on the dock at Fullman’s Pond, I still didn’t know why I was so turned on.   I had not planned to masturbate while he watched, but I was so aroused, I all but couldn’t help myself.   If it had been some other boy, I wouldn’t have been nearly as excited.  

It sounds so silly to me now, but at the time,
I really didn’t know anything about who I really was,
or about my sexuality, or about the concept of ego-projection,
or any of that stuff. 

As a result of our intimate sharing, something must have changed about us.   We must have looked different or behaved differently because others soon started asking what the three of us had that was so good.   With mutual agreements and infinite discretion, we sometimes answered that question, and slowly, our circle expanded.   When we graduated from high school, we all mutually agreed that each of us was free to tell anything we wanted to about our experiences together.  

Over the years, Henry and I have shared countless intimate times and orgasmic experiences with each other, and although I was tempted on several occasions, Henry and I, in relating to each other, have, to this day, still kept the sovereignty of our body fluids.”  

Jazbell had been leaning back against the end of the couch with her eyes staring reminiscently at the wall across the room as she shared her story.   She took in a deep breath, sighed, and focused her full attention on me.   My level of excitement must have been obvious.   I was sitting quite upright on the couch looking at her.

Apparently, you’re enjoying my story,” she says.

Even more than usual.   Less than thirty minutes ago, I certainly had not expected to be feeling anything even remotely close to how I’m feeling right now.”  

Your interest pleases me.”  

At this point, I find myself full of questions.   I start by asking, “How did your sharing with Henry and Sarah change your lives?”  

Henry melted in our sharing.”  

What do you mean when you say he melted?” 

His whole demeanor softened.    His anger died.   He became much more gentle and a lot more fun to be around.   He also became a scholastic star and an academic wizard.  

And Sarah?” I ask.

Sarah turned into the most loving and giving woman I know.   As for me, I’ll let you be the judge of that.   The three of us are still the best of friends to this day.”  

And how did you deal with your both loving and hating Henry at the same time?”  

With the help of Intendr, I came to see that Henry’s relationship to his teachers was something distinctly different from ass kissing and that my contempt and my anger at him were simply a projection of the behaviors or desires within myself that I was unable or unwilling to accept.   When my eyes finally opened, I realized how similar Henry and I really were.   He was the first man, other than my father and Walter Watkins, that I could say I loved.”  

I’d like to know the exact meaning of the CLIC ?”

"CLIC stands for Caring & Loving Intimacy Connections, often referred to as CLI Connections.   In our social networking we refer to our events as Caring & Loving Intimacy Circles.”



What is a CLIC?.


And what are CLI Connections?”

Essentially, a CLI Connection is created when two or more people come together to share with each other the joys of emotional and physical intimacy in a context of pre-arranged agreements and in an open-minded and loving environment.

   A wide variety of social interactions are shared in CLI Connections and CLI Circles, including sensual pleasures and sexual touching of self and others; however, because of the risks involved, sexual intercourse is NOT part of the sharing in either connections or CLI Circles.

   The purpose of CLIC sharing is to eliminate and/or transcend the sources of fear regarding intimacy and sensuality, and thus, to open those who so choose to new levels of human interrelating.  

   The CLICs offer an environment that is completely private, often profoundly intimate, and always totally safe for everyone involved.   The three rules that Sarah, Henry and I started out with have evolved into a set of basic guidelines that vary only slightly from group to group.”  

The Four Basic Ground Rules and the Seven CLI Connection Intentions are listed and described on the page titled:  Caring and Loving Intimacy Connections.  : 

In surprise, I ask, “You mean there are several CLICs?”  

I would guess that there are probably hundreds, perhaps even thousands of them by now.   It’s been thirteen years since our first session together.   By the time I graduated from high school, I knew of three active local groups and had personally shared intimate joys with twenty-seven of my high school classmates plus several of their friends from outside our little hick town.   I took the CLIC arts to college with me.   It was a great hit.   In my four years at Springfield College, the number of groups that I shared in, knew about or had heard of, numbered somewhere between eleven to sixteen.” 

You really are serious.   How come I never heard of any of them?”  

Discretion is one of the key guidelines.   Membership is by personal invitation only.   Outsiders are told about the circles of intimacy only with the complete consent of all existing members.   All members are free to go to their other friends and start their own intimacy connections without asking the permission of, or even informing existing circle members, providing they say nothing about the identity of their present circle members. 

   The concept of sharing deeply personal and strong emotional intimacy including safe, sensual and sexual sharing is actively supported by circle members; yet, the identification of other members is sacred.”  

Finger Snapping      Finger Snapping```.

Next, I ask, “And where does the finger-snapping come in?”

The three finger snaps are a secret signal known only to circle members.   I could casually click my fingers in the presence of someone who looks interesting to me and if he’s a member of another CLIC, he’d most probably be aware of the signal and respond to me.   Otherwise, he’d have a reaction similar to yours.”

I say, “Yes, that’s rather clever.   I certainly didn’t think anything unusual when you were snapping your fingers.   So I take it that this is a way of connecting with others who may be participants of another CLIC that you are not aware of.”

That’s it.   This signal worked well for us at college.   This was one of the ways in which many of our college CLICs got connected to each other.   Without that signal, I would have had a much less exciting and far less interesting college life.   Another significant advantage is that it’s usually much easier to relate intimately to an existing CLI Circle player than it is to someone who isn’t.”

   In some CLI Circles, the participants are very strict in their secrecy, while in others, permission is given to let their activities be known.   The style, format and activities shared in each CLIC are completely individual.   There remains only one absolute rule.”  

And that is?”  

Everything that is shared among group members is, at all times, done completely by mutual agreement and free will choice.” 

What about the third rule you and Sarah and Henry set up?   How do you deal with the safety issue of keeping body fluids separate?”

That has taken a slight expansion to accommodate couples who are already sexually intimate and are sharing body fluids with each other outside of the CLI Circles.   They can do whatever they choose with each other, but they must, at all times, maintain absolute integrity of their separate body fluids when relating to other CLIC members.   This restriction includes refraining from oral sex or sexual intercourse with anyone except each other.”

They can go all the way, but others can’t.   That sounds like a double standard.   Doesn’t it create problems?”

On the contrary, having at least one couple engaging in full sexual sharing in a CLIC is a real blessing.   For a virgin to sit on the same bed with two other people and, in broad daylight or with the lights on, watch them making love is both a great turn on and a great lesson in sexual behavior.   Stoney, have you ever gone somewhere that was exquisitely beautiful such as Yellowstone Park or The Grand Canyon?”  

Of course.   I’ve been to both.”  

And later when you saw a photograph of the Grand Canyon, how did it compare to the canyon itself?”  

About like going into a restaurant and eating only the menu.   There’s just no comparison.”  

Have you ever seen a porno film?”  

Yes, several of them.”  

Have you ever had two people making love right in front of you while you watched?”  


Well, compared to having two people who are friends of yours make love right in front of you while you watch them or even touch them, the porno films you saw were like going into a restaurant and eating only the menu.   Intimacy is an absolutely personal phenomenon.   It’s entirely experiential.   You can’t capture it on film or in words on a piece of paper.”  

I say, “So CLICs offer safe spaces for intimacy to flourish and safe places to create sexual satisfactions in the absence of fear, pregnancy, social chastising, and sexually transmitted diseases?”  

Let me re-state that in positive terms.   CLI Circles create safe, private settings where people can freely share their deep personal thoughts with each other;  where they can share their sexual fantasies and have orgasmic experiences with each other;  and do so by pre-arranged, mutual consent in a joyous, loving atmosphere;  where they can feel completely secure in their physical safety while openly sharing healthy sensual and sexual activities; and while postponing their child-creating activities to other times.

     As CLI Circles evolved and expanded, one other important factor came up, and that was the age of the participants.   Because of the major sexual hang-ups of our social structure, membership has a distinct age break.   If a CLIC has a member under the age of eighteen, all members need to be under eighteen.   If a CLIC member is eighteen years old or older, all fellow members need to be eighteen or older.”  

Why is that?”  

This is another safety precaution.   What do you suppose would happen if an anti-sexual, anti-choice, anti-life, anti-abortionist, would-be-do-gooder found out about a CLI Circle and its sexually related activities?”  

Their first response would probably be outrage, and then they would most likely look for ways to stop the activities and punish the offenders.”  

That has been our assessment also.”  

So, are you saying that the age break stifles any potential legal response?”  

That’s exactly what I’m saying.” 

So why would these people be against CLI Circles?   Sounds to me like the CLICs are major tools for reducing the need for abortions.”  

They are, and because they offer a socially acceptable way to release sexual tensions and reduce sexual frustration, they're also an alternative to present-day sexual outlets, many of which are socially condemned and some of which are outright criminal."

I ask, "Are you referring to things like rapes, prostitution, and child molestations?"

"Yes,  but none of that matters to someone whose been brainwashed into believing that sex is the work of the devil.   The entire anti-abortion campaign is fraught with hidden agendas one of which is their anti-sex obsession, but that is a whole different issue that we need to keep for another discussion.”







CLICs Offer Much More than Sex Safely

Jazbell continues, “As long as we are mentioning keeping clear of any possible legal questions, I might add that no money ever changes hands for the right to participate in a CLI Circle.”  

I assume you say that because paying money for sex is illegal.”  

You are partially right, but there’s much more to it than that.”  

What do you mean?”  

First, paying money directly for sex is illegal, while, at the same time, paying money indirectly for sex is the cultural norm.   The majority of males who spend fifty to one hundred dollars on dinner, a few drinks and a show, expect sex from their dates at the end of the evening.   That’s perfectly acceptable in our society, but if a man were to say, ‘Here’s a hundred dollars, let’s skip dinner and the show and go directly to bed,’ he would not only be royally renounced, both parties would be considered criminals for engaging in such behavior.  

     When a woman seeks a mate, his financial status is often a primary consideration.   That’s normal;  that’s healthy;  it’s wise for her to seek a mate who can care for her and her children;  and such female behavior predates recorded history, so to deny money changes hands for sex is a gross contradiction of reality.   Each partner has something of value that the other wants, so they arrange to share, and everybody wins.   

     The problem is not that there’s anything inherently wrong with sex, money, or the interplay of the two.   The problem is that the do-gooders have declared both sex and money to be evil, and people with a sheep mentality have bought the story.   This inconsistency between beliefs and normal human behavior has most people living a lie which is much more detrimental than paying money directly for sex.  

     But we are getting way off track here.   We can talk more about this at another time.   The primary reason money never changes hands in a CLI Circle is that intimacy can’t be bought or sold.   What we share in CLI Circles cannot be purchased, not even by even by billionaires.”   It’s like I just said, intimacy is an absolutely personal phenomenon.   It’s entirely experiential.   You simply can’t buy it or sell it.”    

Perhaps I could just rent some.”  

Sex, yes.   Intimacy, no!”  

Are you telling me that the CLI Circles are focal points for much more than sexual activities?”  

Yes, definitely!   One of the most valuable aspects of the CLI Circles is that they often turn into and serve many of the members as expanded families.   This has been definitely true for me.   I have received so much love and emotional support through my CLI Circle friends that I don’t know what my life would be like without them.   

    Intimacy, loving, caring, and sharing are the hallmarks of life.   They are also the hallmarks of the CLI Connections and CLI Circles.   Sex is merely the logical extension of love, intimacy and touching.   In addition to serving as expanded families, CLICs have turned out to be the main source of sexual education for many members.   The CLI Circles that focus on Tantric sex and the other intimate love arts have had members report profound experiences that they claim to be spiritual transformations.   We’ll talk about that shortly.   CLICs are safe places, not only to release sexual tensions, but also safe places to talk intimately about sex and other personal issues with others of like mind.  

    Many CLIC relationships have evolved into lasting friendships, and several couples have ended up getting married to someone they were introduced to as a result of a CLI Circle.   For me personally, the CLICs were and still are, one of the greatest gifts in my life.”  

I take it that you are still an active member?”  

Jazbell gives me the look that says, “Did you mess your pants?” and then says, “You really had to ask?”  

Jazz, I’m a reporter.   Questions are my nature, and clear communication is also an important factor to me.   So if I ask questions, the answers to which seem obvious to you, please bear with me.”   

Of course.   Your clarity is one of the things I like about you, so ask whatever you like.   I’m always free not to answer.” 

Thanks.   Mmmm, your virginity?   You’re not still a virgin are you?” 

Jazbell laughs deeply and says, “I started stretching my virginity when I was nine years old.   As a result of my intentional stretching, my hymen tissue has hardly ruptured at all.   It has, however, been stretched to the point of irrelevancy.   I’ve also intentionally stretched the skin at the opening of my vagina that is closest to my anus, the place where women often tear or are cut by physicians at childbirth.   As far as having a man fully inside me is concerned, I’ve shared sexual intercourse with three lovers.”  






Stoney's Invitation

"I have one more vital question.”  


Earlier you said, and I’ll use your words, ‘I would like to be the lady given the honor of introducing you to the CLIC.   Did you. . .”  

Jazbell cut me off.   “Of course.   I will take great delight in introducing you to the joys of the CLI Circle.”  

My heart jumps into my throat.   I have to swallow and take a deep breath before I speak again.   When I can speak with reasonable calmness, I manage to say, “And so will I, which leads to the next question —when?”  

Oh, I want to make this a special occasion for you.   Your birthday is in about three weeks, isn’t it?”  


We’ll do it on your birthday.”  

You have me climbing the walls already, and you’re going to make me wait three weeks?”  

I assure you, you will be pleased with your introduction.”  

I’m already very pleased.   It’s the wait that I’m not very excited about.”  

Okay, how about a week from Sunday?   That’s nine days.   Can you hang on till then?”  

It’s a date.”  

Your choice of words brings up another point.”   

And that is?”  

Emotional entanglements.   My invitation is strictly to a CLIC experience.   We will be very intimate with each other in several ways, but emotional hooks need to be kept out of this.   Is that clear?”  

I’ve been hooked on Jazbell since our first meeting, so when I hear those words, my stomach tightens, and I stop breathing again.   Fortunately, I quickly regain my composure and hope that she has not noticed my reaction.   I take another deep breath, look her in the eye and lie, “Yes, I understand.”  

OK.   Then it’s a date.   Come here at 9:00 a.m.   Make no other plans for the rest of the day.   And for the following Monday, I suggest that you keep your plans light and that you make no fixed appointments so you can relax.”  

Sunday, at nine it is.   And as for the following Monday, I’ll plan on staying home and working on one of my stories.”  

Jazbell slides over beside me.   She then holds out her hands to me with her left palm up and her right palm down.   I immediately get that I am to do likewise, and we physically connect palm to palm.   We look into each other’s eyes for a moment, as if to seal our agreement.   A feeling comes over me that I cannot put into words.

After about a minute, she withdraws her hands, stands up and walks to the window.   I immediately start to count the days-- and the hours.   “Eight days and sixteen hours.   Why did I agree to wait so long?”  

My fantasy is immediately interrupted.   “Stoney, let’s go out onto the patio.”   I get up, and together, we walk out into the summer evening.  

Jazbell's Coaching


We stand on the patio in silence for about three minutes looking at the stars.   All is incredibly quiet except for the distant hooting of an owl.   Without looking at me Jazbell breaks the silence, “Stoney, do you want to play on Sunday following your own ideas, or do you want some coaching?”  

Coaching?   What do you mean?”  

She turns to me and says, “You obviously know the basics of what coaching is.”  

Yes, relative to sports.” 

Coaching is far more than sports.   With very rare exception, one single vital element is common to all those who have ever become masters at anything, be it sports, theater, the arts, or making and keeping money.   Almost every one of them has had a coach, a trainer, a guide or a mentor who assisted them on their path to mastery.   They have all had someone who, as an outside observer, could offer a more objective view of their progress than they could get on their own.”

So what kind of coaching are you offering?”

I invite you to think of me, first, as a personal trainer for your thoughts, your beliefs, your attitudes and your expectations and, secondly, as your coach and personal guide to mastering the CLI Connection arts.”  

Are the CLIC arts that involved?   Do I need a coach to participate in a CLI Connection?”  

Of course not!   You do not need a coach; however, choosing to have one is of great advantage.”  


Because almost anywhere you choose to go, someone else has gone before you.   You can reinvent the wheel if you so choose, but it’s much easier to tap into the experience, the wisdom, and the mastery of those who have traveled the path ahead of you.   Also, a coach can tell you the truth about yourself that you can’t or won’t see for yourself.   A coach can keep you on track toward your goal. 

    I’m not offering to change you or fix anything.   There is absolutely nothing wrong with you that needs fixing or changing.”  

I laugh at that and Jazbell adds, “It’s not that you are perfect either.”  

Whew!   You had me worried there for a moment.”  

Coaching is about choices and options, about opportunities and possibilities.   I’m offering to assist you in becoming aware of choices and possibilities that you may not have thought of on your own.

    Before we get into any details or practices, you need to make a decision about how you choose to participate in the CLI Circles.   There are two basic formats that you can follow.   The first which is far easier, but also less blissful, is to simply bring your usual level of consciousness and your normal sexual expression into a CLI Connection and adapt them slightly to fit the CLIC format.

    You don’t have to learn any of the personal transformation practices that I’m willing to teach you.   You can simply add another way of intimate relating to your sex life.   Many people start out this way because it’s easy, and at any time, you can stop CLIC participation and go back to your old way of life.   Most of those who participate in the larger and more evolved CLI Circles, sooner or later decide to take their sexual sharing to the new level.”

I say, “What do you mean by the new level?” 

The CLI Circles and what goes on within them have turned into far more than anything I ever imagined.   Even as they started to grow, I had no idea where they were going.   Some very creative, talented and resourceful people have become involved, and the results have been nothing short of fantastic.   They have brought ideas, techniques, options, a wide variety of games, and a set of philosophical principles and guidelines to the CLI Circles.   Much of this has been shared or written and passed around among the groups that have allowed their existences to be known.  pink shinny bullet8-3     With the advent of computers and the Internet, I suspect that CLICs are, or soon will be, a global phenomenon.”  

And you started it all?”  

It’s really funny when I think about it, but apparently I did.”  

How do you feel about that?”   

Like intimacy, sex, and chocolate ice cream, it brings me great joy.”  

And it will bring me great joy to be coached by you.”

Are you sure you’re ready?”

I place myself under your tutelage.   Please share your suggestions with me.”

* * * * * * * * * 

End of Chapter  Seven   -- Codes of Conduct for Safe Intimacy





Take me to Book One -- Chapter Tent  

CLI Connection Principles

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Footnotes and References

More About Sex as Sin  

In case you hadn’t noticed, we, in the U.S., live in a sexually dysfunctional society where sex is blatantly used to sell everything you can imagine except sexual gratification.   It is perfectly legal to sell the use of our bodies, and millions of us do that all day long.   We call it work.   We just can’t openly sell the use of the sexual parts of our bodies.  

The war against sexual gratification is tied directly to the old-time religious fundamentalists who claim lust and sex are works of the devil.   In this antiquated view of life, sex is to be limited to your married spouse and done in missionary position, in the dark, for procreation purposes only.   Pleasure must be minimized and the sex act must not last more than three minutes.  

These people believe that having prurient interests is a sin against God and thus, have pressured governments into passing laws that prohibit the sale of anything that offers sexual gratification.   For a classic piece of literature which clearly demonstrates the origins of this anti-sexual view, see Endnotes at the back of volume two, Endnote # 1 — Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride.   Also See:   Interview with The Devil  -- Chapters 51 & 53.  

You also might note that you can legally sell guns in Texas, but you can get arrested if you sell dildo-shaped vibrators. 

  8-3  If you have suggestions or ideas, or if you would like to share your own CLIC experiences with us, please contact us.